Happy Father’s Day, MoM?

"Happy Father's Day to my mom because she played 2 roles in my life to perfection."

I'm pretty sure we have all heard that before. Its not as prevalent as it used to be these days but still is a sentiment quite a number of people seem to have.

Today’s topic came about as a result of one social media post I made and the interesting discussion that ensued with a friend of mine who reacted to that post. Diving into this topic seems right as Father’s Day is approaching (Sunday, 20^th). To any of my readers who might not know what Father’s Day is, it’s that one day out of the 365 in a calendar year set aside to celebrate & honor fatherhood, fathers and paternal bonds. Now let’s hop into it.

Looking at the way our society is structured at the moment its easy to note that a number of people come from single parent households. The reasons for that are unfortunate as they are always beyond the children’s control – as children we all want that two-parent demographic but that is not always the case. In this kind of setup, a considerable number of these parents tend to be mothers, mainly because biologically between the two genders, they are the best care givers a child can have. So, it is understandable and mothers by nature go above and beyond for their children. These strong women in our lives would do absolutely anything for us and without hesitation.

As a result, mothers worldwide get constant praise from all of us day in and day out for molding and shaping us into the people we are today. The praise, which is deserved I must note, knows no bounds that it even spills into Father’s Day celebrations, and no one seems to mind. Now that’s problematic.

Now I must point out the obvious by stating that leaders of the “Happy Father’s Day, Mom” bandwagon are usually the members of the single parent households and it is totally understandable. These children have a front row seat as they witness their mothers fight tooth and nail exhibiting both the maternal and paternal roles for their survival. The mothers go out and work in order to provide and return to nurture and nurse the children.

So, it would be only fitting to praise their mothers on the one day that is specifically set aside for men, right? Well, I am against this notion and I’m going to walk you through my reasoning with the hope that you may update your beliefs as a result of seeing this from a different person’s perspective.

Why both are irreplaceable.

While I understand that a lot of our mothers are supermoms and, in some cases, we may have rocky relationships or none at all with our biological fathers for a variety reason of which I shall not list in this publication, Father’s Day is for men. Here is the blunt fact that many of the people who are pro “Happy Father’s Day, Mom” choose to overlook.

I aim to express an opinion, not to hurt your feelings.

In as much as your mom is/was a quote in quote super parent she can never be and will never be your father. In this new age of equality, we tend to forget that women cannot be fathers and men cannot be mothers. Just plain as it is. We do not have to complicate things and think that because my mom works hard(er) as any man out there she being a mother is equal to her being a father as well, it is not.

Being a father constitutes more than the overstated traditional roles of being a provider, protector, precedence and provisioning. Being a father stems more than the leadership which every child expects from their dad. The reason why women cannot be fathers is a combination of biology and social constructs as these two, amongst other factors influence the male to become a father.

The biological side entails of the evolutionary development and mental wiring that makes men and women envision the world from different lenses as they go through society. As men grow, we go through changes fueled by hormones which shape the way we behave and the cognitive processes we have. Women do the same in their own way which is different to men as their bodies prepare for motherhood.

Men and women have different perspectives on how the world works and this has been one of the fundamentals which has prolonged the survival of our species because we are complementary beings. Men have different experiences from women, and it is because of these why one can never replace the other.

A mother by nature is nurturing and by virtue of that being her default these are the traits she is going to relay to her offspring with ease. A father is sterner as a result of societal demographics world over which toughen up men and rewards hard work, which explains why our dads are hard to please.

Why I’m against the notion.

Number 1, I am a hater.

Now what is it that I hate? I don't like the notion of people craving validation and milking it every single chance they get.

Even if you might come from a single parent demographic there has been at least one positive man that stood in for the missing father in your life. This is why the term Father Figure exists. These men are positive male role models who become points of reference when in it comes to what young men aspire to be when they grow or the mold that young women would seek refuge in and would choose as potential suitors. Father’s Day is for these individuals.

I must stress this out though, Father’s Day is not a day to celebrate the dead beats, the abusers or any version of the male 'evil incarnate'.

As people we should in no way whatsoever, reward bad behavior from individuals be it male or female. Father’s Day is a day set aside to help individuals introspect and appreciate the positive male individuals that are presently making our livelihood pleasant or those that have impacted our lives for the better through the tremendous amount of work they put in every minute.

Men generally do not thrive off validation which explains why this day is one of the most insignificant dates on the calendar. You won’t hear of a men’s month anytime soon; I can assure you of that.

By saying Happy Father’s Day, Mom we inadvertently discard the efforts by these men and once again glorify our women, which I argue that we should do constantly but just not at the expense of the fathers. I know I speak for many when I say not every man is a good father which is further reason why we should celebrate the good men on Father’s Day.

If you have a young male child or a son under your curatorship who grows up seeing mothers being celebrated and fathers being ignored it will have a psychological impact on him. Why would he in his right mind grow up and want to be a father?

Children learn through what we do more than what we say. Subconsciously, you are communicating to young boys and young men that there is no incentive to being a good father – good or bad you won’t get any recognition either way. Now think that through for a minute.

Indeed, men are disposable and the rising popularity of the doctrines like men’s rights activists, manosphere and red pill content should be a clear indicator for this. As we are fast approaching June 20th, let’s at least take Father’s Day for what it is intended for and appreciate the positive male figures that have impacted our lives be it our pastors, teachers, neighbors, coaches et cetera.

My reasoning for raising concern for such a matter that seems trivial is because it is what it is. The fact that this day is of no importance in itself should be appalling but it is not, Father’s Day is a laughable day. How you prepared for Mother’s Day versus how you’re gonna prepare for Father’s Day are totally different and it is not coincidence.

Closing Remarks

By addressing this I know that I will not come off as endearing to some people. Well, maybe endearing is too strong a word, I guess I am a bootleg matyr, taking on the not so subtle responsibility of having to say things that are not super positive and nice to hear but points that need to be put across.

This topic may appear as a rant from a young man who is bent on thriving on the indignation of people who choose to celebrate mothers on Father’s Day. Moreover, if you are for the notion of celebrating mothers on Father’s Day this may insult you even.

This however, is an attempt to illustrate an opinion and a chance for me to give you the reasoning behind my statements.

I know this type of content is divisive but the aim was never to inflate anyone’s ego, feel free to engage and disagree with me. I do not aim to rattle anyone’s belief but rather to help each other update our belief systems and understand different perspectives and views on life. So, until next time, this is me signing out.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.